


Know What It Feels Like

by merryofsoul



Category: N.Flying (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Drabble, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 08:05:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16322396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merryofsoul/pseuds/merryofsoul
Summary: Know what it feels like?I’m in front of youKnow what it feels like?Feels like, feels like?





	Know What It Feels Like

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little drabble that came out of nowhere, and is definitely not the other...five fics I'm also working on at the moment /o\ Thank you to tullycat for reading this over! <3 
> 
> Title from their song Let Me Show You :)

Kwangjin is quiet as he lets himself back into the dorm, not sure if anyone else is still up this late. He kicks off his shoes and strips out of the rest of his outerwear. With the temperature dropping so quickly in the past week and the cold he’s still getting over, he has more to take off than usual. 

It’s quiet when he walks through the rooms. The kitchen is dark and the only dishes in the drying rack are the bowls from breakfast that morning. Kwangjin tries not to pout, because he shouldn’t expect Hun to cook for them all the time, but he’d been hoping that he’d come home to it. There’s still food waiting for him in the fridge though, a delivery box from one of their favorite places with his name on it in Hweseung’s handwriting. There’s a little smiley face too, along with some hearts, and Kwangjin feels himself cheer up a little. 

He puts the food in the microwave to heat it up and does a lap of the dorm. He can see the lights filtering out from Seunghyub’s room, and Hweseung and Jaehyun are both fast asleep in their respective rooms. The door to Hun’s room is open, looking cold and lonely with no lights on. Hun himself is nowhere to be found.

Kwangjin gets back to the kitchen in time to grab his food from the microwave before the beep wakes anybody up. Seunghyub appears as Kwangjin is settling down at the table. 

“Hey,” Seunghyub greets. “I thought I heard you.”

“Hey,” Kwangjin replies. The food smells delicious, but he’s suddenly so tired he doesn’t know if he has the energy to eat it. 

“You okay?” Seunghyub asks, straightening from where he’s rifling through the fridge and appearing with a bottle of water. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kwangjin answers, pasting a smile on his face that feels mostly fake. He knows Seunghyub has it tough being the leader, but there are some things that come with being the oldest that are tough for Kwangjin too. He normally doesn’t have any problems with it. He loves taking care of them and making them laugh. He loves to post on their social media and update the fans on their day to day life, but he’s only human. He gets run down and tired and introverted too. It doesn’t help that his cold is still lingering.

Seunghyub gives him a disbelieving look. “Are you still sick? I thought your mom got you better?”

“It’s sticking around, I guess,” Kwangjin says with a little sigh, hating how easily Seunghyub saw through him. “Where’s Hunnie?”

“At home?” Seunghyub replies. “He didn’t tell you?”

Kwangjin frowns. It seems like he hasn’t seen Hun in forever. He’s been busy with his extra time in the gym and his schedule for the photoshoots, and Hun and Jaehyun have had a separate schedule for their new show. They’ve had a few busking events, but they’ve barely had any time just the two of them in the past few weeks. It’s upsetting him more than it should that Hun isn’t here right now. 

He tunes back in as Seunghyub is saying something about a cold, and frowns harder. Did he give Hun his cold?

“Just...get some sleep, yeah?” Seunghyub finishes up. Kwangjin nods and Seunghyub leaves to go to bed. He makes an attempt to finish his dinner, but ends up putting it back in the fridge before heading up to bed himself. 

*

Hun isn’t there the next morning, and he still isn’t back after Kwangjin finishes his morning run. He’d had to force himself out the door, which isn’t something he normally has to do with his love of exercise. He texts Hun before he jumps into the shower, and is disappointed when he gets back out and there’s no response. It’s not unusual, they’ve all been known to ignore their phones when they’re spending time with their family, but he feels a twinge of worry all the same. He’ll feel horrible if he actually gave Hun his cold. 

“Oh, are you going somewhere, hyung?” Hweseung asks, watching as Kwangjin pulls on his third layer. He hopes it’s enough to combat the chill he still feels. Maybe the run hadn’t been the best idea. 

“Just to get some coffee, I think,” Kwangjin says. He almost asks Hweseung if he wants to come with, even though he’s not sure he’ll be the best company right now, but realizes Hweseung is still wrapped in his blankets and doesn’t look like he’ll be moving at all today. He heaves a little internal sigh of relief that he doesn’t have to pretend to be sociable when he’s in such a weird mood.

“Have fun,” Hweseung mumbles as he focuses back on his phone. Kwangjin ruffles his hair before he leaves and makes a mental note to bring him back a pastry or something. 

Kwangjin gets his coffee and drinks it in the warmth of the cafe, fiddling with his phone and mentally willing Hun to respond to him, but there’s only some activity in the group chat between Hweseung and Jaehyun which he reads with an amused smile on his face. When he finishes his coffee, he gets enough cupcakes to go around and heads for the nearest bus stop. He’s still wrapped up in his thoughts as he walks, and it’s not until the streets around him get quieter that he realizes he bypassed the stop completely.

He looks up to see where his feet have taken him, and recognizes the area immediately. He sighs at himself as he looks at the street and the houses. Less than five-hundred feet away is the gate to Hun’s family’s house. He turns to leave, because he knows he’ll see Hun at the dorm later, but hears a door open behind him at the same time. There’s the rattle of cans, the thunk of a plastic trash can opening and shutting, and then a familiar voice calling out. 

“Kwangjin?” 

Kwangjin turns back around to see Hun standing on the front steps of his house, arms wrapped around himself to combat the chill in the air. 

“What are you doing here?” Hun asks, his smile is a mixture of amusement and confusion. 

“I...don’t really know,” Kwangjin answers honestly. His subconscious had wanted him to come here, but he doesn’t know why. Well -- that’s a lie. He’s been missing Hun and feels guilty about making him sick, and he really just wanted to see him. Apparently he couldn’t even wait a few hours for him to come back to the dorm. “Should you be outside without a coat if you’re sick?” 

“Sick?” Hun frowns. “I’m not sick.”

Kwangjin blinks. Hun comes down the front steps, his house slippers scuffing against them. 

“Why don’t you come in?” Hun reaches across the gate and snags his fingers in Kwangjin’s coat. “You’re the one who doesn’t look great.”

Kwangjin lets himself be tugged into the warmth of Hun’s house and relieved of his bag of cupcakes and his coat. He can feel Hun watching him with worried eyes as he bends down to loosen the laces on his shoes. Standing back up makes him a little light-headed, and he must not do a very good job of hiding it because Hun reaches out and lays gentle fingers on his arm to steady him.

“I’m fine,” Kwangjin says. Hun frowns and lets his hand drop. He leads the way to the kitchen, not looking like he believes Kwangjin. 

“Are you hungry?” 

“I just had some coffee,” Kwangjin says. Hun gives him an unimpressed look and moves to the stove where something in a pot is emitting steam. 

“Sit,” he commands. Kwangjin is happy to do as he’s told.

“I didn’t mean to bother you when you were visiting your family,” Kwangjin says as he watches Hun move around the kitchen. The fresh blue of his hair looks even more vibrant under these lights. It clashes a little with the sweater he’s wearing, but Kwangjin thinks it’s endearing. The pang in his chest that he always feels when he looks at Hun twinges again.

“It’s okay,” Hun says as he places a bowl in front of Kwangjin. “I meant to come back last night, but it got really late so I just stayed. I was coming back soon.” He laughs a little bit. “Did you miss me that much?” 

Kwangjin looks down at the bowl of soup, his silence more telling than anything else. Hun’s laughter dies out and it’s replaced with an awkward silence. 

“Hyung, why are you so quiet?” Hun asks softly. “It’s kind of freaking me out.” 

“I’m just tired, Hun-ah,” Kwangjin finally answers, finally grabbing the spoon and starting to eat. 

“You still have that cold?” Kwangjin nods and keeps eating. “Why did you think I caught it?”

“Seunghyub said something about it,” Kwangjin says. “At least I thought he did. I heard the words ‘cold’ and ‘home’ but spaced out on the rest, I guess.”

Hun hums and looks around the kitchen as he thinks. “I said I was coming home to get more blankets because it’s been getting colder at night.”

“Ah.” It’s not often that Kwangjin gets embarrassed, but he feels it now as he realizes his mistake. Hun is watching him closely when he looks back up, and Kwangjin realizes he’d continued to talk.

“What?”

“Did you hear anything I just said?” Hun asks. Kwangjin shakes his head and watches as Hun’s face creases in concern. 

“Do you maybe want to...lie down for a minute or something? And then we can go back to the dorm together?”

Kwangjin opens his mouth to protest, because he’s infringed on Hun’s break from them long enough, but Hun is already taking Kwangjin by the wrist and leading him out of the kitchen. 

“This is dumb,” Kwangjin mumbles as he lets Hun pull him along. “I came here because I felt bad and thought you needed—”

“Somebody to take care of me?” Hun smiles at Kwangjin over his shoulder. 

“Like I said, it’s dumb,” Kwangjin says. “Your mom would’ve been taking care of you if you were actually sick.”

“It’s not dumb. It’s nice to be cared about.” He drops Kwangjin’s wrist as they reach his room. It’s not his first time in here, but Kwangjin enjoys looking around all the same. There are trophies and old artwork and embarrassing band posters. Hun catches Kwangjin smirking at one and throws a pillow at his face. Apparently his sympathy for Kwangjin’s condition only extends so far. He pulls down the blankets on his bed and look at Kwangjin expectantly. 

“I wore these outside,” Kwangjin protests. He’d expected to be taking a nap on the couch, not Hun’s childhood bed. 

“It’s fine,” Hun says. “I’m not going to sleep here again for a while, and my mom’s gonna wash the sheets anyway.”

That’s all Kwangjin needs to hear. He crawls into the bed gratefully, blushing a little when Hun pulls the blankets up for him. 

“I’ll be right back,” Hun promises. He leaves the door open a little when he steps out into the hallway, and Kwangjin can hear him talking quietly to his mom, though he can’t make out what they’re saying. He turns his face into one of Hun’s many pillows and waits for him to come back. 

*

Kwangjin wakes up with his face pressed into something warm. He feels kind of like he’s been run over by a truck, and he’s sweaty in that uncomfortable, prickling way. 

“Ugh,” Kwangjin groans. It comes out muffled and he hears Hun chuckle. Kwangjin blinks the rest of the way awake and realizes his face is pressed against Hun’s hip. 

“Oh, fuck,” Kwangjin whispers, scrambling to back up. Hun’s fingers disentangle from Kwangjin’s hair as he watches Kwangjin try to sit upright, his hand falling limply to the bed. 

“What time is it? How long did I sleep?” Kwangjin asks, avoiding Hun’s gaze and looking around for his phone instead. 

“Almost two hours,” Hun answers. He leans over from his spot against the headboard and grabs a bottle of water from his desk. “Drink this.”

Kwangjin takes it and does as he’s told, still feeling embarrassed that he’s the one being coddled, and that he woke up drooling into Hun’s hip. Can’t forget that detail. 

“Do you want anything else to eat? Or like, medicine?”

Kwangjin’s entire head is still pounding, so he says, “Medicine please.”

Hun retrieves something else from his desk and punches some pills out of their foil packet. He drops them into Kwangjin’s waiting palm and watches as Kwangjin tosses them back. His full body exhaustion overrules his embarrassment as he slumps back down into the nest of blankets.

“This detergent smells nice,” Kwangjin mumbles. He’s not really sure what else to say. It’s been years since he’s felt this embarrassed and awkward around Hun. 

“I have some back at the dorm. You can use it if you want.” Hun starts to shift around and Kwangjin thinks he’s about to get up, but instead Hun wiggles until he’s on his side facing Kwangjin, one arm folded up under his head. Kwangjin watches him get comfortable and wishes he could reach across the small space between them, wrap his arms around Hun, and bury his face in his chest. 

“What are you thinking about?” Hun’s voice is quiet. Outside the wind howls a little bit and rain starts to beat gently against the window. Kwangjin almost feels like he’s dreaming. Maybe that’s why the next words slip out of his mouth so easily. 

“Do you ever feel like you’re missing someone, but they’re standing right next to you?”

Hun blinks. “I’m not sure.” He swallows and meets Kwangjin’s gaze again. “Who do you miss?”

Kwangjin smiles softly. “I feel like I’ve been missing you a lot, Hun-ah.”

“But I’m right here,” Hun replies. “I don’t understand.” 

Kwangjin takes a moment to try and find the right words. “I guess... I miss who I used to be around you. I wasn’t ever embarrassed or nervous, and I could just be myself and not worry about it.” 

“You can still be yourself,” Hun says. He looks confused, and Kwangjin doesn’t blame him. “I don’t want you to be anyone else.”

Kwangjin sighs. The nap and the water had been good for him, but the medicine hasn’t kicked in yet so his head still feel heavy. It’s hard for him to think. He should’ve kept his mouth shut. He shouldn’t have left the dorm this morning. 

“The thing is, I wish I could be a little different,” Kwangjin admits. “One that you’d like.”

“Of course I like you,” Hun says, exasperation leaking into his voice. Kwangjin laughs and rolls onto his back. Hun reaches out and grabs at Kwangjin, sort of holding his hand but mostly just hanging onto his wrist. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Kwangjin starts, turning their hands so their fingers can actually interlace. Kwangjin clears his throat. “I’d like to date you Cha Hun, and I’ve been kind of having a crisis about it.” 

Hun is silent next to him, which Kwangjin fully expected. 

“I don’t know why I thought this was the best time to talk about it. I definitely didn’t plan to ever talk about it.” Kwangjin frowns, studying their hands instead of looking at Hun. Hun’s palms and fingertips are just as calloused as his, but figuring out where the differences are keeps Kwangjin occupied even as his heart kicks up into his chest as he waits for Hun’s reply. 

“What makes you think you’d have to change for me to want to date you?”

Kwangjin’s ears must be playing tricks on him. He finally looks over at Hun again, but for once Hun isn’t looking back. His free hand messes with a loose thread of one of his blankets as he avoids Kwangjin’s gaze entirely. 

“Excuse me?” Kwangjin’s voice comes out in a squeak. 

“You just assumed that I didn’t want to date you,” Hun continues. “Instead of realizing that I’ve been crushing on you for years.”

“Please don’t be joking,” Kwangjin whispers.

“Not joking,” Hun replies. He squeezes Kwangjin’s fingers tightly before he finally looks up again. Kwangjin rolls on his side and only lets go of Hun’s hand so he can throw his arm over his waist. He wants to crush Hun to his chest in a hug, but it looks like Hun has more to say. “I’m just curious why this is happening today.”

“I’m just tired,” Kwangjin admits. “I’m tired of missing you and I'm tired of pretending I don’t want to kiss you.”

“You don’t have to be tired anymore,” Hun murmurs. It’s such a cheesy line that Kwangjin wants to groan, but Hun is moving closer and closer, and then they’re kissing. They’ve kissed a few times before, but it was always a joke on variety shows. It wasn’t serious and sweet like it is right now. Kwangjin tugs Hun closer and Hun’s fingers find Kwangjin’s waist and hold on tight.

“Wait, wait,” Kwangjin says, pulling back. “I’m sick.”

Hun huffs out a laugh. “Too late now.” 

Kwangjin laughs and realizes Hun was right. He doesn’t feel so tired anymore.

*

A few days later, Hun sneezes so loudly that everyone stops what they’re doing to look at him in shock. Hun turns wide eyes to Kwangjin, who shrugs apologetically. Jaehyun looks between them for a few long seconds and then shrieks, and as everyone around them devolves into laughter, Kwangjin makes a mental note to stop for tissues and medicine on the way home. 

Hun sneaks his hand into Kwangjin’s and squeezes. Kwangjin returns the gesture with what he’s sure is a lovesick smile on his face, and when Hun returns the look with a bright smile of his own, Kwangjin doesn’t even mind it that much when Jaehyun starts to make fake gagging noises.


End file.
